so here it is, it's black friday
you were up at 3 or 4, at the first store at 6
waited and waited and by the time you got in
everything was gone
all those special gifts for your loved ones
all drastically discounted, all ready wrapped
all gone, nothing left, just a tickle-me elmo
from 6 years ago, all the good stuff just vanished
why are you surprised? you're not a professional
there are groups that train for this day all year long
they've been practicing sleep deprivation
and have learned to drive while still asleep
trained in close-quarter, hand-to-hand combat
and are well versed in flatulence crowd control
...intense, holiday season training for months...
plus all those 'occupiers' from last month
what do you think they were doing...
they were camping-out to get themselves prepared
for today
no, you never stood a chance
that's why you had to settle for gift cards
stupid, thoughtless gift cards
your whole list of presents that fit in your pocket
that's right, all those 'special' people now will
get that dinky little envelope with a gift card inside
a gift card with the price right on it
so they now know exactly how much you care
and you waited hours just to end up with gift cards
don't feel too bad
i didn't get you anything
