i spend a lot of time in front of the television
eating
and i spend a lot of time in front of the tv watching
christie brinkley spreading her legs wide open
and bending her arms and pushing up her butt
and flexing her pecs, i could go on …and have
it’s just not fair, there i am, in my holey t-shirt
eating chili with my fingers, and there’s christie
smiling, pumping, pounding, grunting… makes me feel bad
and not very manly, then outta nowhere, there’s
chuck norris, all old and ripped and sweaty
now, i really don’t feel manly and
i’m pretty sure i’ve got no chance with christie
especially with chuck norris there, holdin' her and touchin' her
and there’s no escaping this guy, he's always with her,
i hate chuck norris, can't she do these commercials alone...
they’re on every channel and they’ve been doing it for 14 years
and no, i still haven’t bought a total gym
you’d think by now, i’d pick up the phone...
so, chuck goes on and on about workin’ up a good routine
one that will work on my abs, pecs, trats, gluts, bi AND tricepts
delts, lats, - what the heck is going on here…
my favorite routine is turning on the tv and watching christie…
she tells me it’ll only take ‘just 8 minutes a day’
I don’t have an extra 8 minutes in a day
- just go play gym with that old man...
and anyway
my pot of chili is boiling over,
- in more ways than one
COMING TOMORROW: THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
