when the spanish first began exploring the pacific coast
they thought that they were in search of magical island
one filled with big black women and packed with gold
that's because there was this book called
las sergas de esplandián,
written by a heavy drug user named garci rodriguez
in the book, there was a mythical, magical and mystical
island named california
garci was so high when he wrote the book
that he envisioned the island inhabited only by very large
black women, no men and their queen was named califa
and she looked like whoopie goldberg
soooo, that's where the gold came from...
“Know ye that on the right hand of the Indies there is an island called California, very near the Terrestrial Paradise and inhabited by black women without a single man among them and living in the manner of Amazons. They are robust of body, strong and passionate in the heart, and of great valor. Their island is one of the most rugged in the world with bold rocks and crags. Their arms are all of gold, as is the harness of the wild beasts which, after taming, they ride. In all the island there is no other metal. . . .”
the legend of califa and her island were well known among
the spanish explorers in those days
because they'd spend hours reading rodriguez's books
sunning themselves on the ship's deck, drinking sangria
so by the time cortez showed up and landed in baja
he knew he had found the mythical island
he went ashore calling for the queen
yo!, mamacita, donde esta?
sadly, there was no queen to be found anywhere
no gold either and not a big black women insight
all he found was a tijuana taxi that he took to LA
