Thursday, May 17, 2012

IT'S STILL NOT HARD ENOUGH, HONEY

we are still wondering, and now we're really curious

can people have sex on memory foam mattresses...

i had to go and ask the guy at the store

'is it difficult to have, ahem, 'relations' on one of these'

the salesman blushed slightly, tripped over a few words

and then provided something of an answer

'it isn't so much that it is difficult' he said

'it's just that coils give you bounce, which you don't get

on memory foam and from what i know, bounce is good'

people say that it's a lot more physically intense

because you're not getting any help from the bed

well, i need the help

physically intense, seems intense to me

i remember when my girlfriend had a waterbed

all i had to do is give it just one big push

then i'd lay back and we'd be sloshing around for an hour

by this time in my life however

a good nights sleep is far more important than sloshing

seems my frisky days of youth, like my hairline

are receding fast

in 2009 an AARP survey of adults 45 and older reported that

only 28% of respondents had sex once a week or more

down a full 10 points from the organization's 2004 survey of

the same age group, sad but true

old people are just too tired for sex, from lack of sleep

some boomers, then, buying a mattress that may work better

for sleep than for sex probably isn't much of a compromise

if you only fool around just a little bit and only once in a while

where's the problem...

nowadays, i like filling a wine glass and putting it on the bed

and then boucing up and down really hard, alone

and then i play that eric burdon song spill the wine

the wine doesn't spill, i drink the wine

and go right to sleep, alone

where's the problem...

GO AHEAD: SPILL THE WINE