Thursday, September 27, 2012

BACON STORAGE COULD CAUSE RIOTS

have you heard about the bacon shortage
 
brought on by the midwest drought and lower corn
 
as well as soybean yields...

fears are growing that there will be a run on the salty sensation

you know, when BLTs are outlawed, only outlaws will have
 
BLTs
 
but now nbc news, as well as multiple news outlets
 
have admitted that they went for the bacon shortage story
 
simply for the fear factor and the ratings
 
they decided that them squealing about a bacon shortage
 
would cause a panic and hopefully rioting in the streets
 
- ala the allah riots around the globe

(they figured only bacon could cause such a public outcry)

- which has really pissed-off the occupy movement

they tried everything to get folks to march in the streets

- but they never thought about a pork shortage

'it’s a challenging time because of the big drought

- tough for both consumers and pork producers

food costs will rise and shortages will occur'
 
cindy cunningham of the national pork board told
 
nbc news
 
yeah, like that's her real name... cunning ham...
 
'but we’re not going to see people in line for bacon
 
bacon is not an iphone 5 - it's just a pork product

- there will be no bacon rationing'

so hold your horses bacon lovers, there’s no need to buy
 
a deep freezer and fill it all with all bacon or start raising pigs
 
like my dad used to tell me all the time
 
'i shoulda raised pigs instead of you and your my big brother
 
- at least i've have something to eat'
 
according to most sources -
 
bacon prices in the next few months should be quite stable
 
as there is a steady supply of porkers going to market
 
yeah, for now, but what about next summer...
 
the iowa state fair - known for it's massive pork consumption
 
has already put in orders for ferret on a stick
 
and skunk puffs - a deep fried treat with that familiar smell
 
these items are big at muslin and jewish state fairs
 
so welcome to the new world order
 
a world with no pork, no fork, just use your fingers
 
i don't wanna use my fingers

stick it up your butt i say - mmmm pork butt
 
i say: give me bacon or give me death
 
and what the hell are our boys fighting for anyway
 
freedom is not free and bacon makes a hamburger
 
hammy

well, if things get rough and if push comes to pork

and i gotta march in the streets and burn stuff down

and have to worry where my next fix is coming from

i'll gladly set some tires ablaze and bar-b-que

right there in the street

bar-b-que is bar-b-que