Thursday, January 9, 2014

THE FUTURE OF MEDICINE


sure, there's an app for that
 
imagine, no more doctor visits
 
no more the doctor saying - just turn your head and cough
 
- while he has ahold of your balls
 
now you can show your doctor that disgusting rash
 
by just aiming your cellphone at your own ass
 
there's a new medical group that is so lazy and so smart
 
that they've developed a way to bilk new obamacare system
 
just by building a web-based business where they can
 
practice medicine from their own home and yet still see patients
 
download the app and you can see a real licensed doctor
 
right from the comfort of your own home, couch or even toilet
 
imagine the dramatic drop in high blood pressure cases
 
by not checking your blood pressure while your sitting naked
 
on a metal chair covered with tissue paper
 
after waiting for 45 minutes in a diseased waiting room
 
while some big black woman straps a cuff around your arm
 
and pumps it up until she stops the blood flow to your hand
 
and just think of some of the other possibilities this will mean
 
you can show the doctor how far the lego or eggo is stuck in
 
your child's ears or nose
 
you can show him what's in your toilet or your sink
 
no need for lab tests - just aim the camera in your phone
 
the doctor can email you your needed prescriptions
 
and you can just go down to walgreen's and get the drugs
 
the most frequently asked question is will this new way of
 
practicing medicine save us millions of dollars
 
the answer is no, there is still insurance companies involved
 
or course, nothing can replicate an actual doctor's office visit
 
 
'cept maybe a trip to the dentist - no dentist app yet